what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
