so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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