Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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