He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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