matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
