I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
