Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
