she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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