I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
