Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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