You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
