Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
