Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
