She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
