We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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