I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
