I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
