you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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