Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
