youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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