I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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