Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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