ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
