mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
