Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
