when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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