my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
