he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You need a sexual gate keeper
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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