OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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