i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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