you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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