So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
