They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
