I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
