I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
