now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
