Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
