names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
