glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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