just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
