I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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