He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
