Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
