there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
