we have pet lesbian snakes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
