Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
