We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
