He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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