put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your penis caused this!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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