There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
